Size Matters

SIZE, (OR THE LACK OF IT) REALLY DOES MATTER


It seems as if the older one gets the more relative things become. What do I mean? Well lets look at my writing skills for example. When I was in school, in the 50’s I was considered a very bad writer. I mean I couldn’t spell, I couldn’t construct a sentence and my written papers always came back to me the same color as my hair--RED. As time progressed, through the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, my writing seemed to get better. Or was it that everyone else’s got so much worse. I mean relative to the general population my writing isn’t so bad after all. As time moves on, I get better, relative to the general population. If I live to 100 I should be a great writer. Something to look forward to, I guess.

Now, let’s look at size. At age 4 ½ I entered Kindergarten, weighing in at about 60 pounds. The teacher told my mother I was the biggest kid they had ever weighed in. By the time I reached 12 years old I was 6’ tall and 200 pounds--biggest kid in the school. I remember clearly my first day in High School, the football coach saw me in the hallway and asked me how much I weighed. I naively said 220 pounds. His response was get to football practice after school and get a varsity uniform. Yep, 14 years old 6’2” 220 pounds. The term they used for me was “husky”. I hated that term. All my friends would go to the normal section of the store to buy clothes. I had to go to the “husky” section. My mother would grin ear to ear. “Yes, my Bobby’s a bigga boy”.

As I said about my writing, everything is relative. Six, two, 220 pounds at 14? That’s a girl nowadays. I mean have you ever been to the mall? Husky? Nobody’s called husky anymore. They are just plain FAT. Not fat like I was, grotesquely fat. Entire families of mammalian proportion. Stomachs that protrude so far that the only way they can see their genitals is by using a mirror. So fat, that you see them coming around a corner a minute before their full bodies come in view. So fat, that their ankles are the same size as their thighs. So fat, that they can only wear expandable clothes with draw string pants.

Sam, who is married to my niece, posits that the mirror business must be one of the worse American businesses to be in today. He figures that these people can’t have mirrors in their houses. Either that, or relative to the guy next door they are svelte. Picture one of these behemoths, getting up in the morning, looking into the mirror and exclaiming, “ Oh boy, let’s see now, what color sweat pants should I wear today?”. Somehow I don’t see it.

Funny? No it’s not funny, it is serious. We have an epidemic in this country and it is killing us slowly. Linda just had two hips replaced and I can not tell you how bad her co-recoverants were. Ninety percent of them were obese. The same amount were diabetics. What health care costs do we incur in this country because of this “post husky” epidemic? In the rehab center, where she currently goes 3 times a week, they have extra wide chairs so these leviathans can sit comfortably.


Politically correct? Every doctor should say to each of these grossly obese individuals, that they cannot treat them unless they lose 100 pounds, because, in fact, they cannot treat them unless they lose 100 pounds. Any thing else is a charade--taking good money that can be used in more curative ways.

I used to think that the reason for this extreme weight gain in the American population was because we eat more and do less. Although this is partly true, I now feel that it is the food itself. The fact that food is less nourishing now means that you have to eat more of it to be satisfied. I am not smart enough to know the answer, but I am observant enough to know the problem.

I figure that these families need bigger cars to propel them from Mac Donald’s to MacDonald‘s. Not only that, but the cars need extra fuel to move the 400, or so, extra pounds that they have to carry on each trip. Let’s say that every family lost 400 pounds. The savings in gas would be tremendous. I think it’s worth a try.

But getting back to the relativity question; I still am about 6’2’ 220 to 230, but relative to the general population, I’m about average. Using this same logic, does that mean that I will become good looking some day? Hope springs eternal.